Sal Olivares

About Portfolio Blog Best Of

24 Sep 2018
Stuff the internet says.

Here are a collection of quotes I’ve had the privilege and/or misfortune of coming across on the internet.


On the Supreme Brick

The brick is the best item Supreme ever released. It works on multiple layers:

  • It shows how absurd brand worshipping has become
  • It enables you to flex by showing that you can burn $50 for nothing
  • It’s a meta flex on other brands who aren’t popular enough to sell a brick
  • It’s in line with the subtle crime vibe of most Supreme accessories like the crowbar or the scale
  • It lampshades the silliness of nobody actually using their accessories
  • It’s a creative reinterpretation of Duchamp’s Fountain, retesting the limits of what can be considered as fashion or hype these days

On “When would be the worst time to start a “U-S-A” chant?”

When a cholo asks you what you’re looking at

On Pre-Match Prayer - Brazil v Mexico - FIFA World Cup R. of 16

Padre nuestro que estas en RUSIA santificado sean Chicharito, Ochoa y Hirving lozano, Venga a nosotros la felicidad de ganarle a Brazil. Hágase su voluntad tanto en la cancha como en el juego, danos hoy nuestro Gol de cada partido, perdona nuestra defensa, así como nosotros perdonamos a los arbitros que nos ofenden. No nos dejes caer en la eliminación y llevanos a la final…. Amen!

On Spanish vs English Futbol Commentators

English: “There StevensonSteven goes with the ball, cutting through the defense, and he’s in the box. Wow, what a player. He scores!”

Spanish: “Ay va StevensonSteven, El Muchacho Heroe, entrando por la derecha, esta adentro de la caja, AY VA, AY VA, AY VA. GOOOOOOOOOLLLLL HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE, ADENTRO DE LA CAJA, SIN MARCA, ENTRO, GOLIO, Y SE ESTA DESNUDANDOSE ! DIOS MIO. QUE GOLAZO.”

On Breakups.

All of the people that have passed through your life have added themselves to a rich tapestry of your life story, and you to theirs in kind. We rarely travel this journey through life together with any given person for very long, but that does not detract from the value of having travelled it with them for the time we’ve had.

On Taxes.

Dude, paying for strippers is donating to single mothers paying for college. It’s tax deductable.

On How Options Work.

Imagine getting 100 coupons that let you buy watermelons for $1 (premium) each.

  • If a year later (expiration date) the price of watermelons is $2 (strike price), then you can buy them for $1 and then sell them at the market for $2 and make a $1 profit for each watermelon.
  • You can also sell your coupons for a higher price. (close)
  • If the price of watermelons goes down to $0.50, then your coupons are useless, because you could just buy it for $0.50 yourself. (Options expiring worthless)
  • You also don’t have to sell the watermelons you buy with the coupons if you don’t want to, you can hold on to it if you think the price will go higher. (Exercise options) Now replace ‘coupons’ with ‘calls’, ‘watermelons’ with ‘SPY’, ‘$1’ with ‘$239.5’, ‘a year’ with ‘10 Mar 2017’. BOOM!

On Apple Stock.

Analysts remain “concerned” about $AAPL growth because world forests cannot produce enough paper for how much cash $AAPL continues to print.

On Garbage Collection.

} is the only garbage collector you need.

On Powerbuilder.

Powerbuilder is the reason Jesus hasn’t come back.

On the 2016 election.

Clinton elected. FBI Brings charges against Clinton. Tim Kaine becomes president. It was actually the Vatican playing 34 dimension hopscotch all along to get the first catholic president in office since Kennedy.

On Visual Studio beta being release on Mac.

Just as a warning, this is a development and rebranding of Xamarin Studio, not Visual Studio The OriginalTM ported over to Mac. The original Visual Studio will probably die on Windows (thousands of years from now, in the hands of enterprise developers still pressing F5).

On engineering ethics.

“It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure. Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter.” - Nathaniel S. Borenstein, computer scientist

Louie. On love.

Dr. Bigelow: So you took a chance on being happy, even though you knew that later on you would be sad. Louie: Yeah. B: And now… you’re sad. L: Yeah. B: So… what’s the problem? L: I’m too sad…. Look, I liked the feeling of being in love with her. I liked it. But now she’s gone and I miss her and it sucks. And I didn’t think it was going to be this bad, and I feel like, why even be happy if it’s just going to lead to this, you know? It wasn’t worth it. B: You know, misery is wasted on the miserable. L: What? B: You know, I’m not entirely sure what your name is, but you are a classic idiot. You think spending time with her, kissing her, having fun with her, you think that’s what it was all about? That was love? L: Yeah. B: THIS is love. Missing her, because she’s gone. Wanting to die…. You’re so lucky. You’re like a walking poem. Would you rather be some kind of a fantasy? Some kind of a Disney ride? Is that what you want? Don’t you see? This is the good part. This is what you’ve been digging for all this time. Now you finally have it in your hand, this sweet nugget of love, sweet, sad love, and you want to throw it away. You’ve got it all wrong. L: I thought this was the bad part. B: No! The bad part is when you forget her, when you don’t care about her, when you don’t care about anything. The bad part is coming, so enjoy the heartbreak while you can, for God’s sakes. Pick up the dog poop, would you please? Lucky sonofabitch. I haven’t had my heart broken since Marilyn walked out on me, since I was 35 years old. What I would give to have that feeling again…. You know, I’m not really sure what your name is, but you may be the single most boring person I have ever met. No offense. Give me my dog. Come here. You…. Don’t fall down.

On old gasoline.

Gasoline ages like wine. Jet fuel is actually just gasoline from a few decades ago.

On Apple building a new campus.

The reason they’re building a spaceship campus is because they have a whole lotta people working for them now. They need to figure out how to ship a product without Jony Ive individually blessing each one with his tears.

On Porter Robinson.

Porter mind fucked me into a different dimension. A dimension where reality isn’t going to be the same anymore. - Diana Morales

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